This year Katie has been introduced to the concept of Santa – something I always thought I’d completely shun from our family’s idea of Christmas. The problem is you can’t avoid Santa unless you lock yourself away at home for two months and go on a media fast. That and the fact he really is an interesting character who apparently loves children and giving them nice things.

You also can’t avoid other adults asking your child if they’ve been good this year. Even worse is asking what they want for Christmas. I listened to how Katie would answer that question on the phone to a relative she was talking excitedly on the phone with recently. She was immediately silent and ummed and ahhed for a while. Yes I find these aspects of Christmas particularly irritating because I don’t want Katie to automatically think Christmas as an “I want” season. No doubt it’ll become like that soon but for now we want to revolve this time around fun and family. We’ve not made a big deal of Christmas this year and not bought any big ticket items for our kids.

I suppose it all comes down to what Christmas actually does represent – CHRIST. These days it has changed and become different things to different people but personally I found it heartening to see beautiful nativity scenes in shopping centres and stopped with Katie to show her what I had only read and told her about it. What a contrast the scene was to everyone shopping madly around us. Frustratingly, any attempt to focus on the most important aspect of Christmas can seem difficult, like last night when we tried to watch The Nativity Story as a family and were disappointed to find the disc damaged. It was virtually unviewable.

One good thing about Christmas that I am grateful for though is that it is not a greatly stressful time for us. We will have a simple dinner with my family as my husband’s family are overseas and maybe check out some Christmas street lights after that. There is no expectation for expensive gifts, dressing up, huge decorations or fancy food – okay maybe just something different and delicious. And time to be together and be thankful for God’s blessings and faithfulness to us throughout the year.

Here are my reasons:
1. I’m in a fortunate position where I don’t HAVE to work outside the home which makes it possible in the first place.
2. I am the mother of my children and I get to choose what and how I educate them.
3. I don’t justify paying $15000+ a year to educate my children (what I’d have to pay for the school I’d choose if I had to). We could pay our mortgage off quicker, or take regular overseas trips – a great learning experience.
4. Honestly I can’t be bothered with school pickups and dropoffs.
5. Six hours is seriously a looong day for a 5 year old. Homeschooling can be as little as an hour a day, enough time to rest up for other important stuff like creative pursuits, reading, sports or generally being mum’s personal slave.
6. Secretly I presumptuously think I can do a better job than any school.
7. I want my children to be family-focussed rather than peer-focussed for as long as possible.
8. It’s possible to identify specific talents and learning styles in your child very early on.
9. There are plenty of resources and support groups out there. It doesn’t have to be done in isolation.
10. I’ll know who my children’s friends are and what they’re up to at any given time – VERY important.
11. I can do without multiple birthday parties every weekend.
12. I just like doing things differently.
13. I love a challenge.
14. I’m one of those over-protective parents.

If anyone can think of any reasons why homeschooling would be completely destructive to my children please let me know of them – there is still time for me to change my mind, however I probably won’t!

Despite this, I like to think of myself as idealistic, in a good way of course, make sure others see my good points and never mind the rest.  I devour parenting mags and listen to all sorts of advice, albeit with a grain of salt.  My all time most recommended baby resource book is “Babywise”,  high on the list of books every mother should burn apparently. 

I like to know what’s in fashion, not that I actually buy any but I can dream of what I might like to look like after I give birth and lose all the weight right?  All those celebrity mums who look fantastic after childbirth I actually think give us regular mums a little hope.  Please don’t hit me.  I’m sure it’s not all downhill from here.  Look at The Biggest Loser – oops, yes I’m looking forward to that too. 

I subscribe to blogs and magazines written by women who have 10 kids, homeschool, live off the land, sew and run a business.  If they can do all that surely I can deal with my lot in life.  There are some incredibly inspirational women around who are strong, hardworking and committed who have close and beautiful families – but they’re hard to find, maybe because we all believe it’s just not possible anymore.  And when we do we think she must be hiding something – no one can be that perfect. 

I’m actually tired of bad parenting stories.  It’s almost in bad taste to talk about how great your day was and how much you love being a mum in case you might offend or depress someone.  I guess what I’m trying to say is – I want to be inspired!  I want to be reassured that there is hope, there are sunny days ahead and that it’s okay to feel down sometimes but that wallowing in it isn’t going to make it any better.  So I admit I have my fair share of bad days but I’m not going to write about them too much anymore.  Is it possible that we can strive for more – to be better mothers and partners? 

Am I setting myself up for failure?  Maybe but making mistakes can be good – I’ve done it plenty of times and I learn and start again because I have hope.  I would actually feel much more depressed if I believed being a “real” mum meant no more life, endless routine, boredom and a big bum.  Maybe I need to stop feeling sorry for myself and make better choices.  Tomorrow is another day and I take full responsibility for what I do with it.  Maybe I’ll buy the current baby “essential”, the Belly Bandit, a post-baby girdle celebrity mums swear buy for $120 – what a bargain.

A few days ago I peered in while the mother bird was away and spotted three blue-green eggs a little larger than the small white rejected ones we found on the ground. Every time I came back to take a picture I found the mother bird back guarding her eggs, her wide eyes watching me. I grew up with blackbird nests in our garden each year but not till I had children of my own could I actually relate to what this mother bird must be feeling. The instinct to protect is very strong.

I eventually got another look-in the other day. I’m not sure what’s going to happen when they hatch and take their first flight with our cat Cart around. Hopefully he’ll be licking his lips indoors at that point. I really think gardens are so important to young children – a place to learn and explore.

I envy those who have support, who can take a breather. When I am baby-less for even a few hours it is pure luxury but I feel guilty at the same time. My own mother never had support when she raised us and she is still hard at work today six days a week as the breadwinner.

Each day morphs into the next and it’s as if I have no strength anymore. My family deserve more than this. I realise I cannot justify any more self-pity. I accept my regrets and I accept less than perfection. And I choose to move on.

http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2009/08/04/Hilarious-Proof-of-How-Bad-U.S.-Educational-System-Really-Is.aspx  I always feel a little uncomfortable on laughing at someone else’s expense but this one is eye-opening and a little sad.

http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/32630876/ns/today-parenting_and_family/  I shared a bit about the Duggars a while ago and now number 19 is on the way.

(Base)
100 g butter chopped
75 g icing sugar
1 tsp vanilla essence
1 egg
225 g plain flour
1 tsp baking powder

(Filling)
4 lemons zest and juice
125 g caster sugar
2 tbs cornflour
6 egg yolks

(Meringue)
6 egg whites
¼ tsp cream of tartar
250 g caster sugar

Pulse the butter, icing sugar and vanilla in the food processor. Add the egg then add flour and baking powder. While the pastry is soft line it in a tin. Freeze it for 5-10 minutes till firm. Dot the pastry all over with a fork. Bake it in a 180◦ oven for 12-15 minutes. Put the lemons, caster sugar, cornflour and egg yolks in a bowl over simmering water and whisk till it thickens. Spread it in the pastry base while it is still warm. To make the meringue beat the egg whites and cream of tartar on high speed till stiff. Add the caster sugar a tablespoon at a time till it is thick, glossy and smooth. Dollop it all over the pie and bake in a 150◦ oven for 45 minutes.

The only bit I strayed was using self-raising flour instead of the plain flour and baking powder. Big mistake. The base rose so much I had to cut it down with a knife. In the end I was rather proud of myself, though of course hubby just had to comment on the tanginess. Hey there’s four lemons in there and that’s sure what it tastes like!

The other day we were in the garden and came upon a strange sight – and a sure sign of spring.  A perfect small white egg underneath our growing native tree.  We had spotted a pair of blackbirds in recent weeks and with all the plants and trees in our garden I was sure there must be a nest in there somewhere.  We looked everywhere in vain. 

We took the egg inside.  It felt cold and I was sure there was no hope for this one.  Perhaps the mother knew this and rejected the egg, or maybe the egg was not fertilised. 

It was a little sad and I couldn’t help but think of the struggles many go through in order to conceive.  It really is a blessing and an honour to be able to do so and I am grateful to once again be able to nurture new life within.

Lately Katie has been very much into all manner of drawing, painting, cutting and pasting. I thought it would be a nice idea to keep a few of her special drawings for memory’s sake, and also to see how her abilities mature as she gets older. Framing a few of them shows how much we treasure them – not to mention filling up some wall space without spending a lot of money!